


Hand In Unlovable Hand (Yet I'm So Desperate In Your Arms)

by Illusions_and_reality



Series: Hotdaga Fic, But It's Based On Songs [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), The Hotdaga - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, I got both in there woo, I would never do that, M/M, Mike does not spend two years trying to avoid Ernie, Oh look, Sharing a Bed, Yes I would, also break up, also there's a brief mention of Gene, and Maizey appears, hell yeah I missed these two, it is i, okay but I love them, they go on a date, they're mature adults, whatever it's done now, which I probably should've said first, with more chicken soup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 08:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17597864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusions_and_reality/pseuds/Illusions_and_reality
Summary: Mike swore that he wouldn't go through it all again, he wouldn't break up with someone again, he wouldn't ever get back together with someone, and all of that was a lie. Ernesto Goondis might've been the exception, but only if Mike can go through with it.





	Hand In Unlovable Hand (Yet I'm So Desperate In Your Arms)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheoMiller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/gifts).



> Hey, this came really soon after the other one, didn't it?
> 
> I used TWO songs for this one:   
> No Children - The Mountain Goats   
> So Desperate - The Mountain Goats

Mike sat on his couch, rubbing at his face with the heels of his hands, headphones in as he tried to collect his thoughts. Ernie didn't bother him when he had them in.

There was nothing playing, only the faint sounds of Ernie in the next room, and She curled up on his lap, a faint purr coming from her.

Mike didn't want to cry, it just wasn't something he did. No matter what happened, he hurt, sure, but he just didn't cry. He stayed stone-faced and quiet.

But, here he was, curled up on his couch, rubbing at his eyes in hopes that they would just  _ stop, stop it with the tears. _

They'd fought. Not the first time, that was a normal thing, but it usually didn't last that long, and they'd never given up.

His face felt hot, hit was probably blotchy, there were tell-tale signs of someone who had cried, and he had most of them right now.

The sound of Ernie walking into the room with Mike made him curl up and face away from the rest of the room. A heavy sigh, the sound of shoes being put on, and the slam of a door was enough to make Mike shake again.

He didn't know what to do with himself anymore.

 

Mike crossed the street when he saw Ernie walking towards him, whether he knew it or not, Mike didn't want to pass him, not when they were so close to each other.

Ernie had been with a few friends over the past week. His things were still in their apartment.

Mike had debated putting them all in boxes and calling him to pick them up, and keeping his key. If he could bear the action, though, he would've done it already.

Mike watched Ernie pass, jaw clenched as he counted out the seconds that he saw him. They hadn't talked since their fight, and Mike was fine with that. He really was.

He quietly wished for something to burn down, and for the smoke of it to be thick enough to choke him, or take him away from where he was right now, and somewhere where he wouldn't have to see Ernie anymore.

He hadn't cried since Ernie had left, he wasn't planning on doing it again, and he certainly hoped that Ernie would stay as far away as he could.

If Mike was being honest, he secretly wished for them both to just… die, really.

It wasn't going to happen though, not like that.

 

Maizey had come over. Great.

Just great.

Mike hadn't talked to anyone in a long time, and she had insisted on coming in, no matter what he said, it wouldn't get through. She would've come in if he had been eating someone.

“Mike, look at me. You're a wreck,” Maizey called over to him, watching him feed his cat and boil water on the stove, careful not to touch certain things like they would make Goondis come back. Reappear like he'd just been hiding this whole time.

Mike wouldn't hit him, but he might scream.

He kind of wanted to scream.

He looked toward Maizey, holding She in his arms and giving her a few pats.

He didn't know how to respond.

“I'm looking, and I've always been a wreck,” He said, he had no real tone, just flat.

“Micheal Soup, I swear,”.

They didn't say much after that, Mike spent most of the evening with a hand in front of his mouth.

 

Mike stares at Goondis from across the room, glaring slightly at how different he seemed to be now, even if it had only been a few months.

Eight months, to be exact, but the hadn't been counting.

He was… sad? Frustrated?

Angry.

He was angry, that's what he was. Angry that he couldn't remember anything about being with Goondis but the good parts, but the parts where he could consider, even just for a moment, asking him to come back. 

Maybe not even back, maybe just there with him for one last everything. 

There wasn't a good way to put it.

There wasn't a good way to end it, either.

Goondis looked up from across the room and Mike scowled and looked down at his feet, waiting for a moment, and looking back up again.

There was nothing wrong with looking and hating.

Not hating. 

Strongly disliking.

 

It had been a long time since Mike had even thought of Goondis, a longer time since he'd considered going on a date, and yet, there he was.

Sitting in a coffee shop across from his old boyfriend. 

He wasn't going to act like he hadn't thought about leaving, not even a goodbye, but…

Neither of them had left yet, they were just sitting across from each other in silence, fingers tracing the rims of coffee cups as they waited for the other to say something.

Ernie spoke first, that goofy little half smile on his face,

“I'm going to kill Gene,”, He was quieter than Mike remembered.

Mike let out a short laugh, “Mind if I join you, mystery man?”.

Apparently, Ernie had been drinking, the sound of him coughing made Mike look up.

Ernie, leaning over the table, hand in front of his mouth, cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink. Of course they were, he always blushed when something was off.

In this case, it was choking.

“He said that?”.

“Yes, yes he did, mystery man,”.

 

Mike didn't really know what to think. He'd spent so long trying to avoid Ernie, so long trying to make sure that he didn't call him again, deleted his number.

Now he was at Ernie's apartment door, watching him open up the door and hiding his hands in his jacket pockets, looking around nervously, like he wouldn't be able to live this out of he saw another person around.

Everything felt almost a little floaty now, like a dream.

He must have lost himself because the next thing Mike knew was Ernie skin him if he was coming in or leaving. That either would be okay with him.

He shook his head and let out a breath, stepping in and hovering by the door as he looked around.

It was… Ernie. Ernie in something that looked like him as a home and Mike wanted to drown in it.

Maybe he could bring Ernie down with him, grab onto his wrist or his face and back into what they had before, who they were before but a little older, a little wiser, more experienced now.

Mike hadn't noticed, he really needed to pay attention, Ernie walking towards him.

A hand was under his chin, forcing him to look up into those brown eyes that he used to love, that he maybe still did love.

And he was going to drag Ernie down to drown with him.

He nodded once, closed his eyes, brought his arms up around Ernie's shoulders and Ernie kissed him.

Why he wanted it, Mike wouldn't ever be sure.

 

Mike woke up to an arm around his waist, fully clothed and on top of the covers.

He stared at the wall for a long time before turning over to see Ernie, looking at him,

“You alright?” He whispered, his hand covered the entire side of Mike's face.

Mike looked over Ernie's face and smiled, “Yeah,”. 

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so goddamn much, they're both so good.
> 
> Thank you to TheoMiller for becoming the Fandom Fic Cryptid as well as one of the writers, and for putting up with all of my bullshit about chicken soup, I love you to death.


End file.
